Seeing that the big machine will be switched on next Wednesday:

Anyone who thinks the LHC will destroy the world is a twat.

Prof. Brian Cox, Manchester University

Originally found in The Telegraph.

Edit: That's interesting — since I put up this quote, the Telegraph have changed their version to read “…is a T- - -”. I saw it when it was still written out, so I have it on authority it's not “Tune”, “Tank” or “Tent”.

Travel required!

Although I am fortunate enough not to be looking for a job anymore, an interesting opening was pointed out to me. Unfortunately, I don't fit the profile in several important factors (Not being USian, being less fit than your average portion of fish&chips… although I would just about still fit the age bracket). One thing struck me as a qualified linguistic pedant though: Who on earth (or, as the case may be, off earth) would want to apply for this job if frequent travel was not an option? I mean, these folks travel more in a single go than anybody else, for f's sake!

All I can say is: Holy Shit! I want one of those!

Update: for some reason, the video wouldn't load on my site. So I'll link to it instead.

IBM and IBM

I assume hardly any advert these days is placed by a human redactor who carefully balances the text of the surrounding article with the product or service advertised for.

More’s the pity, really, as I’d love to meet the genius who put an ad for IBM Tivoli management services slap-bang into the middle of an article of severe data loss at IBM. Following my experience with earlier versions of Tivoli Storage Manager on Windows 2003 Server… dead on!

"Der Bund"

Today's “Der Bund” mentions the National Riffle Association. Let's see… Wikipedia defines “Riffle” as

Riffle

A common shuffling technique is called a riffle, in which half of the deck is held in each hand with the thumbs inward, then cards are released by the thumbs so that they fall to the table intertwined. Many also lift the cards up after a riffle, forming what is called a bridge which puts the cards back into place.

This can also be done by placing the halves flat on the table with their rear corners touching, then lifting the back edges with the thumbs while pushing the halves together. While this method is a bit more difficult, it is often used in casinos because it minimizes the risk of exposing cards during the shuffle.

That's all nice and good, but what on earth could a society dedicated to shuffling decks of cards possibly have against regulating gun ownership? I do wonder…

A few facts about oil

Nice lesson in truth in advertising in today's “Der Bund”

There's an advert, printed in blue, which pollutes the whole page with its colour. The text of the advert: “Some facts about oil, for a change”. So… possible interpretations: “Oil pollutes far beyond expectations”, “Pollution doesn't stop at borders”, “Oil pollutes more than the industry has paid for”… I'm open for additional suggestions…

This sentence on my Google front page managed to confuse me until I read the corresponding article:

Ban cements lead in UN race

A couple of the weirder improbable interpretations going through my head at the time:

• Certain glues are banned - and attain a favourable ranking - in an UN motorsport event?
• Glue containing heavy metal is banned in an UN motorsport event?
• Heavy metal is firmly established in an UN motorsport event due to some ban?

Need to stop here, head spinning. Having a closer look at the sentence, there's only two words (in and UN) that aren't ambiguous enough to confuse.